Hello and welcome! Here's some info on my origin story so you can get a sense of my roots and how they influence my work. This is also an invitation to reflect on your experiences as growing up highly sensitive.
I was born and raised in NJ in a chaotic and loving household filled with six other individuals: five kids total and two adults who were overwhelmed by work and caring for a large family.
My parents were educated in the Philippines and came to the US to build a new life that started in the Bronx, NY and then shifted to the tiny "Family Town" of Emerson NJ.
That statement right there carries with it ancestral history and traumatic experience of both coming from a continually colonized and oppressed country and the pressure and stresses of acclimating to new cultures. My parents chose assimilation at that time which was impressed upon us kids. We enjoyed our Filipino identity in our close-knit communities because it felt safer than the white-dominant environments of school and church.
I admire my parents SO MUCH. They're my heroes AND like with any other family, they also modeled imprints of dynamics and behaviors that didn't really serve me well, so I also spent many years blaming them for just about everything that was wrong in my life.
Did you go through that phase too?
After I got divorced in my 30s, I realized that blame wasn't helpful and my parents did the best they could with what they had.
I decided it was time to accept full responsibility for shaping my life. I finally wanted to be accountable for the conscious decisions I was making. This is what one of my favorite teachers, Caroline Myss, calls DESTINY. Fate arises when we live unconsciously pushed around by fear.
I love this quote by coach, Bob Moawad. I have it framed on my wall. I bought the quote card and cute frame from one of my favorite shops in Old Town Alexandria, Creme de la Creme. It goes like this:
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
Chills, right? lol Here we are! I'm in my late 40s and finally understanding a fuller picture of what's been going on within all the layers of me and my life.
When I figured out that it was my nervous system that was driving so many of my seemingly unconscious patterns, I began to dig a little deeper into working with regulation beyond simply "relaxing" and "calming" my stress and anxiety.
What is running in the background physiologically? How can I shift my experience? What are the most effective and aligned ways to restore the adaptability and resilience of my nervous system?
Instead of putting a band-aid on my dysregulation, I wanted to land on the tools that worked specifically for me and offered a path for growth and joy. I knew this was going to be a combination of modalities and new ways of thinking and being. This exploration continues!
As a highly sensitive and deeply feeling, intuitive child from birth, my nervous system was constantly being challenged emotionally, psychologically, physically, or mentally. It could never quite catch a break. Do you resonate with this?
Many of us come to this healing journey yearning for something more. We innately know that there are sweeter ways to experience life beyond dissociation and numbing. We finally call ourselves out on our own bullshit and land on the path of learning how to self-regulate whether through healing sessions, talk therapy, or a profound life experience that earthquakes us into change.
Polyvagal Theory does a great job of explaining how the nervous system drives our experience of life. Check out THIS LINK.
What's super cool about nervous system regulation is how it links up with attachment theory.
I encourage you not to attach to a specific attachment style. It's helpful for understanding your patterns and as with any label, we can be limited by this over-identification.
Attachment behaviors can vary relationship to relationship especially if you are in the process of actively shifting out of default patterns that once stemmed from the imprint of our original caretakers, most often, our parents. It's also normal to shift between feeling anxious and avoidant within the same dynamic because we're just humans and our behaviors can be complex.
The main gist with the overlap of these theories is that they help you understand what the heck's been going on in your life so you can actually do something about it!
Here's my synopsis:
When you bring awareness to the experiences that activate your alarm system (AKA your nervous system), you can 1. Learn ways to soften your sensitivity, 2. You can track all the things that tend to alert the system (e.g.,your triggers and blindspots, your shadow parts etc.), 3. You can install the system in completely different environments (i.e., Sometimes you'll thrive best somewhere else!), 4. You can choose to engage in healing processes that encourage your system to grow and expand into restoration of high adaptability and super wise, attuned resilience.
#4 is my main intention for our sessions together.
We're creating a baseline of safety inside your body (A SECURE INTERNAL ATTACHMENT TO SELF!) so that you can more easily step into new ways of responding to your environment, to your communities, and to yourself.
Make sense? I hope so! Check out THIS PODCAST to hear one of my inspirations, Sarah Baldwin, explain this overlap of theories in simple English. And YES, if you feel comforted by her presence, please explore her offerings for sure!
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